Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Stormy's Vegas ACM Review--It's Hot! Like 110 Degrees!

Take Stormy’s picture off all those milk cartons, she’s right here! Operation Desert Stormy checked into Sin City’s MGM Grand on Saturday prior to the big show on Tuesday. Country stars were brighter than the neon strip, every bit as plentiful and a lot more fun. And let’s just say Stormy’s time spent on the sofa in her jammies watching “Celebrity Poker” served her very, very well. Ka-ching!!


Hostess Ms. Reba McEntire was divine as usual. Stormy is still reeling from the news that Reba’s sitcom has been replaced by wrestling. Wrestling? Grown men touching each other in ways that no one wants to see is replacing Stormy’s best girlfriend’s Friday night show? Well, looking great is the best revenge and Reba looked splendid
in that elegant black lace gown she wore. It was smackdown spectacular.


Odds are you spotted Stormy in her seat right behind Keith Urban. For those of you keeping score, that’s two awards shows in a row--the CMAs and ACMs--where Stormy found herself enjoying the wonder from down under. And, ladies, if you’re wondering, yes, he’s every bit as hot in person. Make that hotter.


Stormy was expecting Brad Paisley to open the show with “The World,” but Stormy certainly didn’t expect to see Brad wearing a big, glittery “B” around his neck. What was that all about? Was that to identify Brad to the West Coast producers? And wasn’t country’s big night an odd choice of timing to start growing that facial hair? Play the hand you’ve been dealt, Brad. It’s time to fold on the scruffy look.


Well, while Stormy is on the subject of hair, Song of the Year winner (“Believe”) Ronnie Dunn is getting ever so slightly older. What used to be his signature “rooster hair” has lost its lift. He’s gone from looking like the Roadrunner to looking more like Foghorn Leghorn these days.


Presenter Phil Vassar, bless his heart, is still in Nashville Star mode. Cute t-shirt and he still doesn’t know to talk unless he hears Anastasia say something first.


Album of the Year Time Well Wasted came with a special bonus for winner Brad Paisley. He got a hug from Keith Urban, a treat mostly reserved for Keith’s Academy Award-winning fiancé Nicole Kidman. Due to her seat assignment, did Stormy mention how extremely grateful she was for every standing ovation? Stormy’s heart just melted when Keith sat at that piano and sang his little heart out. That Nicole is luckier than she has any business being. She gets to cuddle up with our little Top Male Vocalist of the Year each night. Well, tonight, Stormy justs wants to cry if she thinks about it too much.


And what a shocker to see Toby Keith performing “A Little Too Late” backed by a string section, and Stormy’s not talking bikinis either. Classical musicians looking at the backside of white trash with money. Go figure.

Let Stormy pause and reflect for a moment on some of country music’s newcomers. Dierks Bentley, how Stormy would love to get lost in those adorable ringlets of sandy blonde hair. Totally lost, like trying-to-find-tofu-in-the bakery-department-at-the-grocery-store lost. And Blake Shelton, what happened to your jet black ringlets, honey? You didn’t stand too close to some kerosene, did you? Stormy could not overlook presenter Joe Nichols, singer of “Size Matters,” which is on heavy rotation on Stormy’s Ipod. It’s more like Stormy’s personal anthem these days, if you must know. Oh, and Top New Male Vocalist winner Jason Aldean wears more jewelry than Stormy. That’s a lot of bling for a guy who made a name for himself singing about a “Hicktown.”


Sugarland took home honors for Top New Vocal Duo or Group. Stormy was shocked because she didn’t realize that an individual could win this category. Apparently, there’s still hope for Ronnie Dunn to take home that long overdue Male Vocalist of the Year Award, too.


How adorable was American Idol turned country singer Carrie Underwood, dressed like a goddess, chiffon scarves billowing in the wind? Lady Luck was on Carrie’s side--not to mention a great stylist--because she looked marvelous picking up her award for Single Record of the Year for “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Claiming the Top New Female Vocalist Award was just icing on the cake for young Carrie!


When in Las Vegas, one expects to see a showgirl or two and Trace Adkins didn’t disappoint. He was surrounded by a bevy of beauties whose outfits collectively might have covered Trace from the waist down if he wanted to wear a pair of patchwork sequined shorts. Stormy couldn’t help but wonder how one would explain a “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” to the King of Country Music Roy Acuff. Country music has come a long way, baby.


Judging from her outfit, Jo Dee Messina’s give a damn is still busted, in a major way. If that fashion disaster came from a stylist, Jo Dee, it is Stormy’s humble opinion that you should tie the strips of that skirt into a long rope and and use it to escape from that fashion prison where you’ve been so cruelly held captive. Shimmy down the side of the building--in the dark of night if you must--and Stormy will be waiting for you with a stack of Glamour magazines and a change of clothes. Stormy can help you. Seriously, when Eddie Montgomery shows up better dressed than you, girlfriend, it’s time to rethink your fashion choices, don’t you think?


Stormy’s second fashion blunder is Miss Kelly Clarkson. Now, Stormy isn’t advocating sunbathing, but, honey, Stormy has two words for you: Mystic Tan. Spray yourself from head to toe until you glow. Oh, and those dreadful sleeves with those puffy elbows. Kelly, the cast of Dynasty called; they want their shoulder pads back. All of them! Gentlemen, don’t think Stormy is letting you off the hook. The clothes didn’t bother Stormy as much as the hair. Did Stormy miss a trend? Did the mohawk make a comeback and someone forgot to inform Stormy? If Entertainer of the Year Kenny Chesney got hair enhancements and styled it in this fashion, would that be a fauxhawk? What’s next, the return of the mullet?


Vocal Group of the Year Rascal Flatts, Stormy must present you the award for Hottest Wives. A former Miss Tennessee and a Playboy Playmate of the Year. Smoking hot, baby! They could start their own club--Hot Wives With Titles Married to Country Stars.


What’s a country awards show without Dr. Phil McGraw and his wife Robin? Actually, it would really be a country music awards show, come to think of it. Thanks, Oprah, for taking a psychologist and creating a pop culture icon. Stormy is certain Phil and Robin crank up the Kenny Chesney tunes as they scoot down Rodeo Drive. Having him and his would-be celebrity wife present the award for Vocal Duo of the Year makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Oh, about as much as betting against the house when you’re holding a five of hearts and a two of clubs. Give Stormy country music’s real McGraws--Tim and Faith.


“Thanks Alot” to Ms. Martina McBride for one of the show’s highlights, a performance that shone brighter than Reba’s copper-colored highlights. Did you see Stormy jump out of her chair when the beautiful Sara Evans won Female Vocalist of the Year? What a great moment for Sara after the sound didn’t really cooperate with her during her performance. Telling your dreams to the scarecrow must really work. Stormy thinks Sara’s version of “Tiger by the Tail” from her very first album should have been included in the Buck Owens tribute, but she’s going to let that one slide since Dwight Yoakam performed. Long live the music of the Buckaroo.


Well, dedicated and devoted readers, Stormy’s time in Las Vegas was far too short, but oh, was it fun. Thanks to all of Stormy’s girlfriends and country’s finest looking hunks for the great times. Stormy and her entourage painted the desert red. Good times! Stormy is off to the airport; she’s flying back to Music City with someone that she’s not at liberty to discuss. You know what they say . . . what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, dear. As soon as Stormy lands in Nashville, she’ll be posting her summertime musings for all to enjoy. And you don’t want to miss it, not one word, not one second. Until then, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars . . . country music award-winning stars!