Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Believe Stormy, Brooks & Dunn Bring it Home at CMA Awards 

How fitting that the 40th Annual Country Music Association Awards were broadcast on ABC. As far as Stormy is concerned, ABC stands for All ‘Bout Country. Let’s get right to the show, where Stormy and her friend Betty Lou had front row seats for all the action.


If you didn’t believe in the power of a good country song, then the Brooks & Dunn hit “Believe” surely made a believer out of each and every one of you. Give those two a broom because it was practically a clean sweep for them, taking home Single, Song, Music Video, and Vocal Duo honors. Before they began their winning streak, the uber hosts Kix and Ronnie were joined by Vince Gill and Sheryl Crow for their smash hit “Building Bridges.” Quite frankly, Sheryl Crow could have used a bridge that might have led to her place in the vocal harmonies. Speaking of struggling, it was good to see Ronnie Dunn got his hair done for the big show. Hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on the biggest night of the year, and Ronnie couldn’t spring for a $30 hair cut? Un-believe-able!


LeAnn Rimes, Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora presented single of the year to Brooks & Dunn for “Believe.” Richie Sambora may be a stranger to some country fans, but his life has been a bit of a country song of late. Richie teamed up with his fellow Bon Jovi band mates and Sugarland’s Jennifer Nettles for the hit song “Who Says You Can’t Go Home.” Well, oddly enough, Richie found out he couldn’t go home earlier this year when his former wife, blonde bombshell Heather Locklear gave love a bad name. Follow along now: Richie now dates actress Denise Richards, former girlfriend of Heather, star of such television series as “Melrose Place” and “Spin City,” who stars in Toby Keith’s current video “Crash Here Tonight.” Richie’s life, now that’s a country song in the making.


Carrie Underwood stepped out of her $850,000 red carpet gown into another show stopping number to perform “Before He Cheats.” Is Carrie old enough to be singing about whiskey and being drunk? And is she old enough to be exposing that much leg? Stormy thought she might have to take a Louisville Slugger to the guys on the front row; maybe next time they’ll think before they peek! Now, about those legs--they’re just a painful reminder that Stormy has socks older than Carrie. The American Idol is on her way to becoming a major country star after walking off with the coveted Horizon Award and Female Vocalist of the Year Awards. At least she got her money’s worth out of that dress! Well, for another $250,000, she probably could have won Male Vocalist of the Year, too!


Sugarland (population: 2) stirred things up with “I Ain’t Settling” nor should they. Which begs the question: who is dressing Kristian Bush? Alongside a beautifully attired Jennifer Nettles, with a backless gown that dipped way down to there, the jacket Kristian wore on the red carpet looked like it was fashioned from Christmas wrapping paper. Then his onstage attire featured a scarf that Stormy’s Mimmi wouldn’t be caught dead in. Was he expecting a cold front to sweep across the stage? Maybe a thick fog, but that was kept at bay until Little Big Town (population: 4) took the stage.


Gretchen Wilson might have delivered the biggest fashion upset of the evening. She actually traded in her trademark black tank top for a white, lingerie-revealing top. Did anyone else catch her on the red carpet? She and Montgomery Gentry’s Troy Gentry may have gotten a two-for-one deal on those white jackets or Troy excused himself from the prom to present an award.


As she presented the Song of the Year Award for “Believe,” Stormy had to wonder “Who do you think was hiding in LeeAnn Womack’s hairdo?” Anyone conspicuously absent from last night’s show may very well have been in there. Let’s hope they got out in time for the fabulous parties.


“Red on a Rose” featured a fashionable Alan Jackson in the season’s hottest male fashion trend--pinstripes--as well as Gary Allan, Vince Gill and Billy Currington. Little Big Town was lost in a cloud of fog during their performance of their new single “Bones,” so it didn’t really matter how they looked. They should have dragged that fog machine down the red carpet with them because Stormy saw Kimberly Roads sporting what looked like a toga. As for Kix Brooks, Betty Lou wants to know from what 1940’s gangster did he steal that shiny suit, anyway? Did Capone or Dillinger have a yard sale recently or was it an eBay find? Stormy and Betty Lou nearly ran into Dierks Bentley on the red carpet. We were blinded by those blonde curls, spectacularly showcased by a dapper black suit with black satin lapels. If every mile’s a memory, then Stormy and Betty Lou are good for a cross-country journey after that encounter.


Vocal Group of the Year winner Rascal Flatts certainly lived up to their name . . . umm . . . the flat portion, that is. As for fashion, the guys were sporting a dizzying array of leather patterns and treatments, not to mention more gel on their heads than one would find on the hair care product aisle at the drugstore. And country-as-a-turnip-green Kellie Pickler, after sharing the red carpet with her, Stormy has decided Stormy would have to BE pickled to do that again. Oh, dear!


What is it about pregnancy and parenting that affects folks? Six months pregnant Kimberly Williams-Paisley is self-proclaimed “knocked up and blind” while new dad Josh Turner shaved his head. And Kris Kristofferson, when asked on the red carpet to name his favorite career achievement responded, “My children. I’ve got about eight of ‘em.” Betty Lou said perhaps it’s an answer borne of uncertainty? And Billy Ray Cyrus, now better known as dad to the Disney Channel’s Miley Cyrus. What a downer is it when your dad has cuter highlights than you do? And while we’re on the subject, how odd that Billy Ray would mention that Miley was born the year he won his first CMA Award. Umm, that would be his first and only CMA Award, Betty Lou reminded me. (And don’t tell anyone, but he only received a total of two career-boggling nominations!)


Martina McBride borrowed from the title of her latest CD Timeless when choosing her look for the red carpet. She was absolutely bedazzling in a shimmering, sequined dress. Simply stunning as was Martina’s vocal performance of “Anyway,” sure to be another anthem in her arsenal of hits.


Forget Justin Timberlake, George Strait is bringing sexy back. However, that might imply that it was once gone, and that’s not the case. Love those glasses, Georgie, our newest Hall of Famer!


No one could rescue Kenny Chesney from audio issues throughout his performance of “You Save Me.” And The Wreckers’ red carpet appearance personified one half of their Stand Still, Look Pretty CD title. Stormy will let those who saw them figure out which half was working for them.


And Trisha Yearwood has been on the Oklahoma prairie far too long. She’s now dressing like a modern-day Laura Ingalls in a high-waisted gray skirt and black sweater that was unbecoming of a Half Pint that’s married to the Big Gulp, Garth Brooks.


Eva Longoria may be a Desperate Housewife, but she’s not a “huge” country music fan. Oh, Eva may love her some country music, but that woman is no bigger than a minute. Eva was whisper-thin as she stood there announcing the Male Vocalist of the Year Award winner, the fabulous Keith Urban. Betty Lou could hardly contain her excitement when that one was announced. As for Stormy, well, she got a little misty when Musical Event of the Year went to “When I Get Where I’m Going,” Brad Paisley’s heart-tugging hit featuring the legendary Miss Dolly Parton, who was not present. Someone check LeeAnn’s hair for Dolly!


Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood have a lot in common. Both came to national prominence via televised talent shows; both are young, blonde and super cute, and Stormy would not want to cross either of them because they’ve got a mean streak a mile wide when it comes to old flames. Umm, Blake Shelton, if you’re reading this, Stormy encourages you to pay careful attention to the lyrics of “Kerosene” and now “Crazy Ex-girlfriend.” Somebody’s got an ax to grind, and she’s tough on guitars, too!


Among Stormy’s biggest disappointments: Faith Hill, who sang about a house dress in “Stealing Kisses” and might as well have been wearing one. Betty Lou and Stormy wondered how you make a beautiful woman look dowdy and now we know. Forget stealing kisses, honey, you were robbed of a fashion statement. Mr. Jason Aldean, Stormy appreciates the time and effort that went into dressing for the occasion. You knew you were playing Nashville’s Lower Broad, but someone obviously forget to tell you it was a major network awards show, not a late-night gig at Tootsie’s.


Stormy felt certain Sara Evans would shy away from her hit single “Cheatin’,” instead opting for “Real Fine Place To Start.” For a girl who made ballroom dancing look easy, singing was a bit of a struggle at times. Stormy just reminds you Sara, and Betty Lou agrees, looking good is a girl’s best revenge. Ditch those jeans, honey. You should have borrowed that cute little cowgirl outfit from your “Dancing With the Stars” wardrobe. And, finally, a 911 call went out to Barbara Mandrell’s interior decorator who was dispatched to her home immediately to replace the drapes Babs wore to the show. Babara obviously coordinated with Entertainer of the Year winner Kenny Chesney before deciding from which room in the house she would wear the window treatments since the two were sporting matching black.


What a year, what a day, and what a night! Stormy can’t believe (the evening’s recurring theme) that another CMA Awards show is behind us! Now, Stormy needs time to recover from a whirlwind evening of parties with Nashville’s brightest stars. Later today, Stormy will probably write a letter of apology to LeeAnn Womack. Stormy confesses: she couldn’t resist; she simply had to ask about that hairdo. Tune in next time when Stormy reveals just what that was all about.