Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Lucky Seven Shine, Dustin Heads Home in Week 2

Helloooo, Nashville Star fans. Well, let Stormy begin by saying that getting to show two was quite the challenge. Remember Stormy’s best girlfriend Dina? (If not, please refer to last week’s review and follow along.) Dina scheduled a mid-afternoon pilates class for us because she insisted we needed to refine our powerhouses. If you’re not up on your pilates terminology, that’s the part of our bodies that enable Dina and Stormy to shimmy into our size zero Gucci dresses. Well, class ran a bit long, and Dina and Stormy literally wiggled into our VIP seats in the Acuff Theatre just in time. With our powerhouses perfectly toned and in tact, mind you. And how did we look? Well, certainly not unsettlingly and nothing like a career development teacher from culinary school ;)


What a way to start the show, with Miss Miranda Lambert and her ode to revenge “Crazy Ex Girlfriend.” The way she slings that pink guitar, the only thing Stormy can say is “Blake Shelton, beware!” Stormy gets the feeling that Miranda has lived those lyrics. If you’re not careful, someday, so may you, Blake.


Stormy giggled and so did Dina, when Anastasia Brown said “The girls came out on top last week,” referring to last week’s stellar female talent. Well, Stormy and Dina thought that comment better suited Jewel’s low-cut little black dress this week. Anything for good ratings, honey.


First off, what looked worse: Randy Owen’s hair or that jacket? Obviously, the recently retired Randy was cleaning the bus and found that relic in the bottom of a drawer where it had been since circa 1986. Anastasia is just dying to trade seats with Blake Shelton so that when Randy finally shows up in his pajamas, she isn’t quite so close. And someone take that Bic pen away from Randy. Get him a Tootsie Pop or something.


Joshua Stevens breathed the first sigh of relief then took the stage to perform “There Ain’t Nothin’ ‘Bout You", he just reminds Stormy of David Cassidy. The hair, the clothes. It must be Stormy, but nothin’ ‘bout Joshua does anything for Stormy. Stormy doesn’t hear it, and she doesn’t see it. If Joshua has a recording contract a year from now, Stormy will wrap herself in Randy’s crushed velvet jacket and run down Music Row in the dead of winter. With that Bic pen tucked in the lapel.


Stormy absolutely loves Don Williams and she loves a good Don Williams tune, so much so that Stormy practically lives on Tulsa time herself, which makes travel a real struggle sometimes, but that’s another story entirely. And Stormy absolutely loved Whitney Duncan’s performance of “Tulsa Time.” Stormy also loves earrings that are large enough to double as a trendy belt. And Whitney, someone else has been working on her powerhouse, as evidenced by that super-cute outfit. Stormy believes in love, and she believes in Whitney.


Stormy thought that Dina was going to rush the stage during David St. Romain’s performance of “Must Be Doin’ Something Right.” But the same statement could not be said for your outfit, David. How fast could Stormy overhaul your wardrobe? Faster than Kevin Federline can say “do you want fries with that?” Call Stormy.


After Kacey Musgraves’ performance of the country classic “You Win Again,” Stormy’s not so sure. Great song choice, Kacey, but Stormy thinks she heard the sound of your career coming to a screeching halt.


Linda Ronstadt ‘s “When Will I Be Loved” is “so worn out,” according to Judge Randy. Well, Stormy finds Angela Hacker’s rendition to be quite refreshing. Worn out? Hardly! Stormy hasn’t heard it down at Krazy Karl’s Karaoke in at least a year, Randy. And when was the last time Randy darkened the door at Krazy Karl’s? Please. Speaking of “worn out,” that’s a great way to describe Judge Randy’s jacket, though.


Zac Hacker, a little Earl Thomas Conley? Why, Stormy had not thought of ETC and that song in, well, a blue moon. As a matter of fact, she’s going to add it to her iPod this weekend. Zac’s performance of “Once in a Blue Moon” even got Judge Randy all stirred up, so much so that Stormy had to calm Dina down.


No need to worry, Meg Allison! You are indeed a blossoming flower, not a wilting one. “Oh, Atlanta!” You so moved Stormy, that she and Dina are hitting I-24 down to I-75 this weekend for some spectacular shopping and spa time. While we’re there, we’re going to pick up some Alison Krauss and Bread cds and send them directly to Judge Randy. He’s never heard “Oh, Atlanta” before! Where has he been? On second thought, maybe Stormy doesn’t want to know.


Dustin Wilkes, Stormy could not say it more eloquently than Judge Randy: (did Stormy just type that?) Perhaps Nashville Star is but “a stumbling block in your road to success.” And speaking of roads, Randy appears to have found himself on the same road that Howard Hughes once wandered.


Nashville Star fans asked for it, and here it is--Stormy’s twenty-five cents’ worth? That and three dollars will buy you a grande latte at the coffee house on the corner. Until next week, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars . . . Nashville Stars!