Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Five Stay Alive in Nashville Star’s Week 4

Hello, Nashville Star fans! You should know that Stormy and her bestest girlfriend Dina just barely had time to attend this week’s show. As soon as it was over, Stormy and Dina hopped on a plane to Miami for the Super Bowl. Neither Stormy nor Dina care who wins, but the idea of star-studded parties is irresistible. Before Stormy departs for the big weekend, here’s a recap of Thursday night’s big show. And to think, we’re already half-way through this season. How time flies!


Before Stormy gets to the competition, just a few words about The Wreckers. Stormy simply loves these girls. Loves them! But they dress like the Olsen twins of country music. Not no more, please. Stand still, look pretty, dress better. Really.


Brother Zac Hacker, you seem to have dodged cold and flu season and picked up a little attitude instead! And oh, how Stormy loves a rebel, Brother Zac. "Something To Be Proud Of," Zac, is an anthem for the common man. It talks about flags, babies, mamas, daddies and minimum wage. Those are your people, Zac. The same folks who wear white sweat pants when they know they there's a pretty good chance they'll be on television, but more on that later. Whether you like the song or not, you get your Alabama-born fanny out on that stage and you sing it like you believe it, or better yet, like you've lived it. You're singing about the very people who will keep you in this competition, Zac. Don't disappoint them. Now, as for the performance, Stormy thought that Zac really found his Muscle Shoals groove on the chorus, but the rest of the song wasn't really something to be proud of.


Did anyone catch of glimpse of Judge Randy during Joshua Stevens’ performance of “I’m In A Hurry?” He was just giddy, leaning to get a good look at Joshua, so much so that Stormy thought Judge Randy might fall from his chair. Stormy loved Joshua’s arrangement, sadly, perhaps more so than she loves Joshua. It not so much his voice that Stormy can’t come to terms with, it’s his appearance. And before you call Stormy a mean-spirited hater, you just know that appearances are important in this business. Photoshop is an artist’s best friend. Stormy simply can’t imagine a larger-than-life image of Joshua peering down at her from a billboard. There, she’s said it, and Stormy feels better having confessed her true feelings. And your wardrobe is simply bland, Joshua. Like French fries without salt, bland. And no ketchup. Bland.


As for David St. Romain, or DSR, Stormy was more than happy to “Listen to the Music” but she was even more impressed with the way you worked that stage. Boyfriend worked it like a Victoria’s Secret model. Down one side and up the other. Now, a Victoria’s Secret reference is a perfect segue to Stormy’s issue with DSR’s wardrobe? Do you, DSR, think that puka shell necklace that Kenny Chesney insists upon wearing actually makes a fashion statement? Well, it doesn’t, not a statement or so much as a whimper. So Stormy urges you to lose that necklace of yours immediately. It looks like something Stormy made in a sixth grade art class as a Mother’s Day gift. And if Stormy’s memory serves her correctly, Stormy’s mother refused to wear it because it was simply hideous.


While Stormy is ranting, as for Judge Randy’s comment that “entertainment is what it’s all about, even if you forget the words,” well, Randy, Stormy emphatically disagrees. It hasn’t been two months since Jessica Simpson botched the words to “Nine to Five” during a star-studded tribute to the legendary Dolly Parton. For the record, Stormy totally missed the entertainment value in that three minutes as Jessica struggled to find her way. Is Randy trying to sabotage DSR’s career by telling him that a dropped lyric or two here and there is okay? Stormy predicts those words will come back to haunt Judge Randy.


Well, in spite of herself, Stormy just thinks Whitney Duncan is as cute as a button. Love that ponytail, that kicky little red halter dress and those spike-heeled boots. Boots that were obviously made for walking to the top of the heap. Whitney, honey, take it from Stormy, it ain’t that lonely at the top. Are you pitchy every now and then, Whitney? Sure you are, but Pro Tools can fix that. With Meg out of the running, Whitney’s marketability just went up a notch. Bam.


Evidently, a little attitude runs in the Hacker blood since Miss Angela Hacker expressed her dissatisfaction with “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool?” Well, Angela, that song goes over so incredibly well down at Krazy Karl’s Karaoke. Once, Dina knocked them dead when she delivered that line about “pulling up and turning down George Jones.” Literally, a 90-year-old patron keeled over, dead as a doornail in the back of Krazy Karl’s. That’s powerful stuff, Angela. Miss Hacker’s song delivery was just phenomenal, but what concerned Stormy were those awkward dance moves. Granted, Angela has never professed herself to be Britney Spears or Beyonce when it comes to choreography, nor should she have to. However, Angela’s moves last night made it appear as if someone forgot to visit the ladies room before taking the stage.


Stormy and Don saw it coming, but we were still sad to say goodbye to Meg Allison, who just looked stunning, simply stunning. Something tells Stormy we haven’t seen the last of Meg. Since Meg was going to sing “Wrong Side of Memphis” had she not gotten sent home, Stormy is extending an open invitation to join the gang at Krazy Karl’s. The crowd would just go wild, Meg.


Of course, Stormy can’t sign off without her weekly evaluation of the judges. Anastasia Brown, get a tan, please! Or at least choose a softer shade of mystic black hair color. The combination of the two is simply frightening. Maybe this look could explain why her face looked slightly fuller last night or if I were to jump on the conspiracy bandwagon, one could speculate she is preggers. Could this also be why she chose to dress a little more matronly last night? She covered up her girls and Jewel gave hers a night out on the town. Stormy must applaud Randy Owen for his lack of helmet hair last night since he surely rode in on his motorcycle judging by that from-out-of-nowhere jacket he was sporting. It was only marginally more fashionable than Angela and Zac Hacker’s mom’s white sweatpants. Really, now, comfort must take a backseat to style when you have not one but two children on national television. Jeans, mom, try a pair of jeans. You can do it. Oh, and Randy promoted next week’s performance of “Mountain Music” as his first performance of that tune in three years. How quickly we forget, Randy, because Don, Dina, and Stormy were in the audience at the Grand Ole Opry last August when Randy performed that song. Just ask the viewing audience of Grand Ole Opry Live, they saw it, too! Again, perhaps Randy simply forgot, or maybe he just hopes that America hasJ And if Blake Shelton is willing to make fun of that jacket, then Stormy will second that fashion disaster. It’s apparently the jacket that Blake wears when his significant other goes into crazy ex-girlfriend mode. If she gets destructive, Blake really has nothing to lose in that garment. Actually, he would gain valuable closet space if it were gone. And finally, is it just Stormy or is Cowboy Troy morphing into Robot Troy? He’s become a Stepford co-host.


Dina and Stormy are on their way to Florida for the big game. Actually, the big parties and hot celebrities. Details to follow. Until next week, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars . . . . Nashville Stars.