Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

There She Goes, Miss Melanie Torres!

Stormy is simply exhausted! She just returned to Music City from our nation’s capitol. No, Stormy isn’t eyeing a political career--although that might not be a bad idea. If Tim McGraw ran for governor of the great state of Tennessee and Stormy found a home in the Senate, Stormy and Tim could be the new Bill and Hillary. Of course, minus the marriage and the scandals, but a political force to be reckoned with none the less.

Instead, she was the special guest of a certain country music star who shall remain nameless but just so happens to have been the lead singer of an acoustic band in the 1970s--if that gives you any clue at all--at the “Country Salutes Country” spectacular at the Kennedy Center. And Stormy really emphasizes “spectacular.” Washington, DC knows how to throw a party, and Stormy was more than happy to partake of the hospitality. If Lee Ann Womack’s hit “I May Hate Myself in the Morning” had not already been written, Stormy could have penned that tune herself. And after enjoying Manhattans in Washington, Stormy decided to return to Nashville by way of Manhattan with a weekend in New York City. If you happened to catch a glimpse of Stormy on her way to her VIP seats at the Acuff Theatre (for those of you fortunate enough to have tickets to the show), you saw the obvious rewards of Stormy’s travels. Stormy was turnin’ heads and knockin’ ‘em dead!


There was simply no finer way to start the show than the beautiful Miss Sara Evans singing “A Real Fine Place To Start.” Stormy so admires a mother of three who can work the stage in those high, high heels. It appears someone else loves shopping in New York City. Nothing says lovely like a pair of Jimmy Choos. Well, except for perhaps two or three pair.


Chris Young came out fighting, and, perhaps you noticed, he tipped his hat to Stormy. Sure, the cute, young blond standing beside Stormy totally thought that was intended for her, but who is she kidding? She walked in after the house lights went down, and the young blond didn’t get a good look at Stormy until the first commercial break. Oh, yes, and Stormy winked right back at him. Bad boy or not, “Real Good Man” was by far Chris’ best song selection thus far.


Kristen McNamara, perhaps you are old enough to remember when both LeAnn Rimes and Trisha Yearwood recorded “How Do I Live.” Both were released as singles, but radio really embraced Trisha’s version. Stormy likens your version more to LeAnn’s. And, as history has a tendency to repeat itself, Stormy once again embraces Trisha’s rendition. Stormy wants to believe that there is more to Kristen than meets the eye, but Stormy would first need to see your eyes. Less is more, Kristen. Remind your makeup artist. And don’t even get Stormy started on those lips. They, your lips, would have been more at home on an Ernie Ashworth suit. Heavens, you probably don’t even know who Ernie Ashworth is!


Well, this is a little known fact but Stormy once walked into a dressing room in a popular Nashville venue and saw Jerry Lee Lewis in his boxers. Can Stormy say that on Opry.com? Sure, we’re all friends here. Stormy can’t go into details, but before she could turn her head, it gave “The Killer” a whole new meaning. Casey Rivers, your performance of “Great Balls of Fire” didn’t kill Stormy. It didn’t even make her queasy. In her humble opinion, Stormy must say that “Great Balls of Fire” bombed. Pouf!


Jared Ashley, Stormy honestly feels that it is way too early in this competition for a ballad, even one as wonderful as “It Would Be You.” You brought the evening’s tempo way down, just not in a show-stopping,
Martha Stewart “it’s a good thing” kind of way. Five people wait in the wings, hoping to eliminate you on their way to the “Nashville Star” crown. Performances like this one are the on-stage equivalent of begging them to put you out of your misery. Don’t say Stormy didn’t warn you.


Matt Mason, it’s all Stormy can do to keep her hands to herself when you sing that Georgia Satellites’ classic “Keep Your Hands to Yourself.” That twinkle in your eye simply melts Stormy’s heart. Don’t put your love upon no shelf, Matt. Share it! With Stormy.


Stormy didn’t see that Bonnie Raitt side of Miss Nicole Jamrose coming, and, surprisingly, Stormy was taken aback. First, that you escaped elimination and secondly, that you turned in such a respectable performance.


Melanie Torres, Stormy can honest say that she thought Nicole was taking that final walk. But Stormy applauds your efforts, and we wish you well. And Stormy thinks it’s only appropriate that you went out with a beauty pageant moment, holding onto Nicole with all of your might as the final contestant’s name was announced. Stormy hopes someone had a sash and bouquet of roses waiting in the wings for you.


Now for Stormy’s most favorite part of the review, the judges recap. Anastasia, Stormy has never once made an “American Idol” reference, at least not one that she can remember. But, you simply are no Paula Abdul. Perhaps if Mr. T, from that ‘80s television show “The A Team,” makes a television comeback and needs a female counterpart, Anastasia is ready, considering that arsenal of gold chains and bracelets that she was sporting.


Phil Vassar can’t seem to remember his wedding band, while Anastasia is literally dripping in the gold bling Mr. T starter kit. And Stormy’s favorite Anastasia quote, “You could have phoned in your performance.” Don’t give Phil any ideas, Anastasia. Stormy thinks that Phil honestly thought that might be a good plan, for himself!! Which brings Stormy to Phil. Where is Phil? Does anyone know what happened to Phil? Are you void of all feeling and emotion or is this gig just bringing you down?


Finally, Naomi, don’t make Stormy go all Naomi Campbell on you. You read the headlines; a Blackberry can draw blood. Calling Jared “pitchy?” Oh, Mama Judd, honey, don’t go there. And telling little Mattie that “You have a young Matt Damon quality.” Naomi, have you seen Matt Damon lately? Stormy is more than willing to share her People magazine subscription with you so that you can better educate yourself on pop culture.


Stormy cannot believe that the field has been narrowed to just six remaining contestants, but the level of excitement thrills Stormy to no end. We’re halfway there, on our way to crowning the next Nashville Star. Meanwhile, Stormy has an unbelievably full calendar of star-studded events to attend. Don’t worry, Stormy is certainly one to kiss and tell, so she’ll share all the juicy details. Until next week, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing Stars . . . Nashville Stars.